It's Day By Day

Note to reader

I lived this story. I wept as I wrote it a number of years ago, and even now I cannot read it without the tears welling in my eyes. The editor who published it a number of years ago said it was “How a boy—with the help of a loving dad and a loyal dog—learned about war, work, and the costs of freedom.”

At an early age I had a fascination for cameras. I used a couple of dollars of my cotton-picker money to order a little Donald Duck camera from The Johnson Smith Company. Incredibly, it took good pictures. I still have all the pictures I took with it, with the negatives! Among them are some precious shots of my dog, the hero of my story. The photo illustrations are from my Donald Duck camera, except the artists rendering at the beginning.

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My Daddy was wounded in the Argonne, so he already knew about war. Now, with four motherless sons beside a mountain of troubles he had anyway, here loomed the hardships of a bigger one.

He looked to the promises of the American West. Some said the farmers out there had cotton patches hard to see across, producing up to four bales to the acre. A vast country, they said, with plenty of elbow room. Why, out there, he reasoned, a man might break some of his fetters.

The Japanese bombs of far-away Pearl had fallen on every American. Like chain leashes they fell on our necks and anchored each of us to unpleasantries or led us away to worse. Remember Pearl Harbor stickers were yet on windows when Daddy gathered us four boys and left Oklahoma in an overloaded worn-out sedan.

Nine years old and youngest, I faced with every American those savage years. Everyone suffered in some way; for us it was living in board shacks, flea-infested sheep stalls, tool sheds and adobe cockroach hovels, besides the cotton patches, fruit orchards and expansive garlic fields.

Our more respected occupational title would have been Migrant Workers; local citizens frequently castigated us as “fruit tramps”. All of these negatives were more than my proud, steel-structured father could equate. Like every other American, I needed a counterbalance. I was too young to realize it, but Daddy knew.

So one memorable day in my life while Hitler was wasting Europe and the Japanese were enslaving the people of the Pacific where my oldest brother now served below the water line of an embattled aircraft carrier, a friend came over leading a lively puppy on a cotton-cord leash and said I could have him. I fell for him immediately. Oddly then, though no mystery now, Daddy agreed to it–with the understanding that, “He’ll be your dog, so you gotta look after ‘im”.

I asked my friend if he had named him yet, and he said, “Yeah, I call ‘im Possum”, whereupon the pup cast me a pitiful glance. So I renamed him Tip for the sprig of white on the tip of his tail.

We became fast friends from the start, and he quickly became an indispensable part of our belongings. Strangely, our separate lives and individual hurts somehow found strength in this bit of canine. Yes, he was my dog, but he was our common interest. We all missed my brother a lot, especially Daddy who knew the risks of combat. As a family, we would each pet tip’s gentle head from time to time and anticipate a grand reunion after the war.

The war months and years rolled and Tip grew, but our difficult and often close-quartered lifestyle burdened him with something he would never outgrow: That little cotton cord leash grew with him to become his chain. It took a chain to curb his insatiable appetite for chasing cars. The school grounds were forbidden to him. The only answer to his insistence on following me there was a chain. The complaints of close neighbors invariably resulted in a chain. If dogs can hate, I saw it in Tip for that terrible chain, although much of his lifetime would be tethered to one.

Increasingly, moves wearied my aging father. A farmer at heart, he was tied to the pull of other men’s harvests. No doubt the homing instinct rose with his years, and he longed for the Oklahoma hills to where he would finally return. But when the time would come for us to move to new harvests, the question never came up whether Tip was to accompany us. Car, train, bus, no matter how we traveled, Daddy made sure Tip was properly cared for. He became proficient at building transport cages.

Full grown, Tip was medium size, resembling a small Coyote, with the sleekness and speed of a Greyhound. Regardless of heavy feedings, his ribcage showed. His breath was atrocious, his bark was deafening, but he could run like the wind. I was an ambitious boy and he was a lively dog. Our mutual friendship intertwined until we were inseparable.

True to the times, he was a fighter. In fact, that was the only thing about him in which he chose to totally ignore me. I suppose he reckoned a good scrap as simply great sport. He positively loved it. His unexpected tactic of sudden withdrawal and quick re-engagement always took his opponent by surprise and got him the victory every time. I honestly don’t recall that he was ever defeated,even by some much larger dogs. I worried that he might be injured seriously by indulging in such hazardous sport, especially so frequently, so I chained him as often as it seemed necessary. But it never waned his fighting spirit for his victory medal to be only those dreaded links of iron.

Sickness and casualties were common in the lifestyle we led. Boils, flu, cuts and bruises were daily fare. Tip suffered severe injury once by a car as he bolted across the highway to engage a large canine opponent who trotted along proudly as if Tough was his name. I have no doubt Tip could have licked the dog, but not the car.

I told Daddy about it when he came home from the field. He always seemed instinctively wise about ailments in people or animals. He diagnosed his own bronchial condition as a reaction from cotton dust, but I now suspect it was from breathing poison gas on another field. He examined Tip and said he was badly battered, but he would probably be all right. Sure enough, Tip was his old self in a few days. But sick as he was, I had to curb his thirst for adventure by chaining him until he recovered.

The war finally ended and a devastated world turned again toward peace and order. Weary lives were released to won freedom, families reunited. We were all relieved when my brother returned safely from the Pacific, but Daddy seemed especially eased.

In the springtime we moved to Maricopa, Arizona where Daddy contracted with a cotton grower to hoe what seemed to me at the time to be half the state of Arizona. It was a wide, flat country with blue mountains in the distance. Our “house” was a small tool shed made of corrugated iron which barely held our few belongings. We lived, ate and slept outside under the stars. Fetters no longer held us; we all ran freely, laughed a lot, earned our wages and wagged tails. That’s where Tip found fulfillment with a shaggy haired female with whom he left six pups. Yes, we lived life to the fullest out there, having learned indelibly that the good things of life can be fleeting.

In March of 1947 one of my brothers married, and they decided on Fort Worth, Texas, as the place to rear their family. The rest of us were to follow when school was out, so Tip was sent with them to avoid Daddy having to build another transport cage. The last time I saw Tip was through the back window of a 1937 Ford sedan as it pulled away. Leashed to the doorpost, he looked at me solemnly as the car turned onto the highway and disappeared from view.

Two months later I read the sad contents of a letter from my brother; Tip, unhappy with his city chain, caused such disturbance they had to release him. He ran freely for two weeks then disappeared. That had been a month ago and he was still missing. They were sorry, but felt certain we would not see him again.

Somehow I realized then that Tip’s chain would not have been necessary for a farm dog in Oklahoma. Tip was another casualty. Now he was gone forever, and I sorely missed him. I rode my bicycle to a quiet place in the park and wept over the loss of a very dear friend.

When I gave Daddy the news, as I now recall, it seems a little more of the frustration of those four violent years eased out of him. He just looked quietly out the window for a minute then said, “They did right lettin’ him go, Son. Out here it was yours and his chain, but without you along it warn’t nothin’ but cold iron. Tip died a free dog. Nobody oughta settle for less.”

I suppose that was the lesson those flaming years forged into my generation: Some chains are necessary, but there are chains that must be steadfastly resisted at all costs.

Tip was running freely on instinct when he fell victim to the dangers of the big city. The ravages of time finally overcame Daddy, but not without resistance; he died at the age of ninety-one, and nearly to the end he was on his feet and on his own.

Dear to my heart will ever be the discipline of those Arizona cotton fields and Tip and my Daddy and America. Nobody oughta settle for less, chain or no chain.
–DA

May I tell you something personal? I figured out on my own when I was only a kid that I was just passing through. You see, the times of my youth were not friendly to sissies, so Mother gave birth to just four hard headed boys to work the fields. I was the youngest, so I was always the tag-along. Her health broke and crops failed along with the economy, so Dad had to leave her in a state facility and take his workforce west to keep from starving. We left our farm and became “tramps.” We didn’t know that’s what we were until we got to California where residents laid it on us: “Fruit Tramps!” Not today’s politically correct “Migrant Workers,” or “Farm Workers.” No we were just a bunch of tramps looking for food and everyone knew what we did—we were just passing through.

I used to watch freight trains whistle by with hobos hanging on them. I envied them because they got to travel and see the world free of charge. Me? All I saw was jungles of fruit trees, endless deserts of garlic fields and cotton patches, and I had to work! We lived in storage sheds, tents, board shacks, cockroach hovels, and once lived in a flee-infested sheep shed with a roof only five feet off the ground. Hooves had beaten the dirt floor into dust powder that puffed with every step, which we breathed without dying. We didn’t mind the fleas, but our backs ached from walking in the humped over position. We didn’t care. We just laughed and joked our way through it all. Why? We were just passing through.

The states we passed through passed a law that kids my age had to go to school. Fine. I passed through as many as five of them per school year. Make friends? Are you kidding? I must have worn those holes in my ragged pockets from ramming my fists into them with anger at the kids making fun of this tramp. I once played hooky for three whole months without anyone knowing it except my dog. That kind of tricky skill was probably why I later worked for the IRS for over a decade. Anyway, Dad dusted my britches for it, but I got over it quick because I knew we were just passing through.

I think we brothers sprouted from diapers with guitar genes. None of us got healed from it because we couldn’t quit picking at it. I once had the lofty notion of becoming a hillbilly star, and even made a dent in the effort, but just when stardom blinded me, my good old Uncle Sam tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Sorry, bub, but I want YOU!” Oh well, all that glitter was only a passing fancy, so I decided to go with Uncle Sam—especially since the law backed his claim for my body and soul for four long years, which seemed in my young mind to be forty. So I set my sights on the end instead of the middle and told myself, “It’ll be a long trip, but I’ll get there because I’m just passing through.”

Smack in the middle of it the Good Lord cornered me at the altar of an evangelistic church. I tried to put Him off with, “But Lord, I’m too young for this. You see, I probably won’t hang around here for long because, well, I’m just passing through.”

He shot back immediately, “You don’t know the half of it. The WHOLE WORLD is just passing through! What you’ve got to decide is where you’re passing through TO!”

It was a no-brainer. Since I wasn’t the only one passing through, I figured I’d be better off to fix on the “TO” part. So that’s what I did.

That done, it’s as if the Lord stepped to my side and said, “Here, I want you to have this.” He gently slipped something into my hand. I lifted it and looked. There in my palm lay the most beautiful, sparkling diamond one can imagine!

My jaw dropped to my chest. “Lord! I can’t accept this! Who am I to merit such a priceless treasure? I’ve always been a bone-poor country boy. I haven’t done anything in my life to deserve it.” So I tried to hand it back to Him.

He just waved His hand and said, “No, I want you to have it. It’s true that you don’t deserve it, but I assure you, you’re going to really need this for what you’re about to pass through.”

So we were married on December 15, 1955.

Sure enough, the Lord was right. Numerous were the times when that diamond bailed me out of scrapes where I’d been beaten bloody. But she never left my side, not once. You see, as I said, I was a poverty-stricken country boy from Oklahoma, but she was a poverty-stricken country girl from Arkansas. So we simply joined our poverties into one poverty big enough to last a lifetime. We never had anything, lived on nothing, and retired on the results. But that diamond never once complained. Now don’t take that wrong. She is a spirited woman. She keeps needle claws, stands firm on righteous principles, and can spit hard enough to put out a fire. She always did. In fact, she spat on me quite a bit. We got through the scrapes because we not only joined poverties, but because we joined mutual aims—Heaven. It made poverty fun because we both knew that we’s just passing through.

Two baby girls sprung out of us, so we told them from the cradle what they could expect from us, that we were only sight-seeing on the way Home, and that they should also relax and enjoy the ride. Well, those two little angels have hit the half-century mark, but they’re still bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and, yep, like us, they’re just passing through.

Our little family has seen a lot of sights go flitting by: Life’s mountain peaks, Grand Canyon gorges, shaky bridges, long tunnels, thick forests, and lots of desert, but the best part of seeing them was that we were only traveling, and that when we finally got tired of it we knew there was no place like Home.

You know, I found out in the Bible that everyone in there was just passing through like me. Take old Abraham: It says he was a “Sojourner,” a fancy word describing a guy passing through a strange land, living in tents, because he was looking forward to a City whose Builder and Maker is God. Come to think of it, that’s what I’ve been looking for all along. It reminds me of an old Gospel song nobody sings anymore that I haven’t heard since I was just a young squirt:

“This world is not my home, I’m just a-passing through.
My treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the Blue.
The angels beckon me from Heaven’s open door,
And I can’t feel at home in this world anymore.”

So that’s how it is. You can have all this fancy stuff they call glamour, luxury, convenience, security, stylish, thrilling, and comfortable. Give me my tent, walking stick, and camel, ‘cause I’m just passing through.

—DA

My father-in-law died when my wife was three, so I never knew him. Then my mother-in-law proceeded alone to raise five children deep in the Arkansas woods in the midst of depression poverty. Despite that nightmare, she claimed she gave the world five perfect children. Then I came running out of nowhere and married her baby.

A greenhorn at son-in-lawing and having been raised motherless, I failed miserably to simply take her word for her claim to such an accomplishment. She seemed genuinely surprised. It took years of pain-ridden experience for me to discover what she meant, but by then she had died, saving me from having to admit that she was right all along.

You see, I broke all the rules that bring happiness to every mother’s daughter. A few months after our marriage I came home from another mundane day on the job, and my wife seemed withdrawn, increasingly so into late evening. The house grew quiet and empty at bedtime, so I went searching for her. There she stood in the kitchen, arms folded, a dour expression pulled over her face. I inquired into what did that to her. Her answer was to start singing morosely, “Happy birthday to me…” Lucky for me, she never tattled on me to her ever-poised, sharp-eyed “Mom”—my first hint that this woman’s daughter might at least approach Mom’s claim to her daughter’s perfection.

Mom was a delightful woman, full of cordiality and warmth. She could charm the socks off anyone, no matter their social standing. It’s just that I was in a position to find out that to jeopardize the happiness of her children was to edge out her social graces. Slowly, crunched between Mom and her daughter, I got frequently jolted into a knowledge of common decency. But I was yet far from completely convinced of the perfection of my mother-in-law’s offspring.

Then it happened.

This woman’s daughter gave birth to the two most perfect, beautiful little females the world could possibly imagine! I was there. I can attest to it myself. You can take my word for it.

Instantly, Mom’s assertion made perfect sense. Oh, I’d never say outright that my daughters were absolutely perfect, but neither would I admit to outsiders that anything was wrong with them. (Same thing).

So I immediately set about kissing them, and hugging them, telling them “I love you, sugar,” remembering their birthdays without fail, showering them with Christmas gifts, Easter and Valentine cards, telling them they were beautiful, their new dress was pretty, that they were smart, they did a great job at whatever—ALL THE THINGS MOM HAD EXPECTED ME TO DO FOR HER BABY EVERY SINCE I MARRIED HER AND TOOK HER AWAY. After all, she had done it since my wife’s birth; so why, she wondered, shouldn’t I simply take up where she left off? It would have been the decent thing to do. I realize that now.

You know, I spent the best years of my life shedding tears, sweat, and even a little blood in the shaping and dressing of two wonderful daughters so that I might present them as a trophy of my crowning achievement to the men of their choosing, and for the betterment of the human race, just like my wife’s Mom did for her. If I fail to honor Mom’s labor of love by DISCONTINUING the work she began in her daughter, I bring disrespect to what her very life was really all about; I bring to her sunset years undeserved pain and disappointment instead of deserved relief, tranquility, fulfillment, and peace with which to face death.

So I would say to every son-in-law who is taking his wife for granted: Please, never forget that you married someone’s daughter, and she is the embodiment of a labor of love. And I would say to every son-in-law to be: Take care, young friend, for the life of your bride does not start with you; you are only her second chapter. What attracted you to her was the work of her parents in the first chapter. Think it over and remember, someday you might have a daughter of your own, and if the man she marries fails to pick up where you left off, virtually all of your own parental labors will have been in vain. Are you prepared for such pain?

The most common misperception in all humanity today on the subject of marriage is that it is a religious invention. Nothing could be more wrong and unproven in a very literal sense. We can deliberately pretend that indelibles in purity of human courtship and marriage do not exist, and so behave like a pack of canines; we can Hollywood it like laughing Hyenas, but in the end the obvious always bites the blood from us.

Even evolutionists love the standard cartoon of a gruff, club-wielding caveman dragging a smiling female by the hair to his cave. But evolutionists seem oblivious to the natural order depicted in their own picture:  We never see a gruff cave WOMAN dragging a smiling caveman. Nor do we see her with a cave-harem of meek, subdued cavemen. Such a depiction would be seen as ridiculous and not even comical simply because everyone just naturally knows perfectly well that such nonsense does not even fit our inborn human nature. It isn’t who we are nor even what we physically look like.

Even the hippies made the startling (to them) discovery the hard way that communal living and mate swapping is a shortcut to the death of what they were supposed to be about to begin with—PEACE! When the hippies finally matured (at around 35 or 40 years old) they rejoined the rest of us, coupled off, got jobs, married, and raised children. Oddly, though, Hollywood missed that news and went about bathing the kids in the slop bucket. They grew up to vote that way.

Out of that bounded another generation who somehow got crossed up on how to identify the sexes, although even the obvious will knock you down! These all set their sights on Hollywood, the major networks, the halls of congress and, of course, the public schools. These also grew up to vote. With that it was only a short distance to arming women with hefty billyclubs and men with powderpuffs. All such fantasies blinded them to the real world where men who lose their dignity and honor shoot such confused victims, rape women by the multitudes, take them hostage and enslave them for life. Friends, there is a real difference between men and women and we’d better never forget it. That fact of life is not about to change while we have breath.

So why does a guy think his chosen gal is worth fighting for? Why will a woman fight like a tigress for her chosen guy? Where did we come up with such natures, anyhow? What, exactly, is in hormone juice that lights up eyes for the OPPOSITE sex?

Towering over these questions is a mountain of answer (one big answer). Here’s a question for all of us: Why is the Book of Genesis the ONLY ancient record of human beginnings that matches up perfectly with who we actually and literally are today? It is truly the only mirror of the past we can look into and see our spitting image! It is telling us, “Honey, THIS is who you are, can’t you see that?” The smart thing for us to do would be to simply accept it and get back to true nature.

So here’s what all of this means: Love, marriage, and family predates Judaism, Christianity, and all the rest by thousands of years! We are all in the image of Genesis no matter what we try to make ourselves believe to the contrary, and nature itself always drives us back to it. If that were not true the human race would have drowned long ago in a tsunami of utter confusion. When this current age comes to the end of our freakish notions, out of that cloud of collapse will emerge those few who held onto the notion that Genesis fits us exactly as plainly described.

An extension of that logic would also tell us that if Genesis is us, we might also consider the whole volume which Genesis only begins. It gets far more specific before the last chapter. Plenty, in fact, to provide the criteria for the choosing of a mate for life. Here are a few things it makes indelibly clear for all humanity:

1. One must completely disengage the mind from any notion that the proposed marriage will be on a trial basis. Such a position has a name: Cowardice. You cannot fly a combat aircraft successfully with one hand on the ejection handle. If you blow the canopy the first time a bullet tears through your wing, you’re better off on the ground where you belong. Marriage is not a trip to heaven, but a new arena of life where one continues to fight for victory.

2. Settle it in your mind now that nobody is perfect. Yes, one can think that guy or gal is perfect during courtship; in fact; a couple can date so long they think they know each other like a proverbial book, only to be convinced during that first week of marriage that they were reading the wrong book! Adjusting to the new life of “One flesh” (Gen.2:24) can be the biggest hurdle one has to leap since birth! Why? Because both persons MUST CHANGE to make the marriage work. It will be in deep water immediately if either party fails to change in order to become one with their mate. Change is an absolute requirement, and the quicker the change, the smoother the transition. By her created nature and purpose, the woman finds this easier than the man because the man’s nature is to LEAD his family. However, the man must deliberately by design make his chosen woman part of his flesh by providing for what she needs in him. That is, consolation, security, assurance, affection, and other things a man was not accustomed to giving in his former aggressive single lifestyle. Sadly, on this point most marriages enter a battle of the sexes. Here is where they will make or break their marriage. Stubbornness in changing is usually the backbreaker—and heartbreaker. Unfortunately, in the majority of cases of marriage breakup, it is the man who refuses to change, either altogether or not enough. Disenchanted, the woman is finally driven to seek elsewhere for her natural needs, realized only in becoming one flesh with a man. There is no shortage.

3. One should seek diligently to understand this person one thinks to mate with for life. Unfortunately, the nature of courtship is the art of storefront advertising—best behavior, best manners, best perfume/lotion, best clothes, best places for a date, best everything. What’s the shortcut to the real person? There is one surefire way to find out what it’s really like in the store: Stop looking at the display and just walk into the store. Look behind counters, in closets, back rooms, etc. That’s where the truth lies. What you see there is what you’re going to get. The big sign in big letters on the front of the store reads “FAMILY!” That’s right, simply observe carefully his or her family. THAT, friends, is who this person really is inside. Even if they are non-Christian but you are a Christian, you must remember: He or she was raised from the cradle by those parents. They are the ones who built the brain wrinkles in their gray matter to think and make value judgments. There before you is a glaring indication of lifestyle, values, philosophies, talents, spiritual fortitude, responsibilities, reliability, keeping confidence, eating habits, TV watching, courtesies, prayer habits, games they play, love or disdain for animals, education, and much more. Each trait is what is apt to be transferred into your new home unless they are dealt with by both of you. It pays to be very, very observant here. Look especially hard at the parents and their character traits. Be very mindful of what you are learning about this family, so when you do marry that guy or gal you will have your eyes open. Surprise is what you are trying to avoid.

There is much more to choosing a mate for life than these brief words if one is to invest an entire life with them, but I will include one last vital point:

4. The Genesis ORDER AND PRIORITIES must be embraced by both marriage partners simply because of the overwhelming physical evidence today of who we all really are. Choosing a mate in a lifetime commitment absolutely requires it. One can marry otherwise, but the odds are sky high that it will not be for life. Getting married for marriage sake just because youthful hormones are running at peak is saturated with the volatile ingredients of unhappiness for everyone, especially the offspring.

So here is what is meant by “Order and Priorities:” Friends, the Genesis record tells us with crystal clarity that the man was created first. He was made from the earth and then given the breath of life (Gen. 1:27,28: 2:19-24). So there stood the first man, fully equipped in every respect for the purposes before him, including the yet missing “Help meet,” or companion and assistant suitable to the purpose. The man was to “dress” and to “keep” the Garden of Eden, for which God gave him the design of physical and mental strength to subdue and dominate what God created. Today man’s design is still there unchanged from the Genesis model. As to the woman, we see that God did not create her from the dust, but from a piece of what He had already created—the man. So there she stood, designed in every respect to fit the man perfectly, including her beauty, her ability to conceive offspring, including the design to give them birth and suckle. So today there they both still stand exactly as described in the Genesis model in every way.

That design, with its order and priorities, is not obsolete. It is still who we are. It is still a requirement for lifelong marital happiness, regardless of our notions to the contrary. All of the balance of Scripture which treats on the subject of marriage is built on that one model. All the answers for marital happiness are there in detail, waiting for those who seek answers to what troubles their marriage. But most importantly to our subject, these are the most vital ingredients we must consider BEFORE marriage if we are going to find a mate for life. It all depends on just how serious we are about the subject of marital happiness. Hormones holding the reins of the brain, and not the opposite, is not being serious, but selfish.

We should make a final observation: Although many remain celibate for life, and although Scripture speaks of some who did, the Genesis model tells us plainly that we are literally DESIGNED for courting the opposite sex, marriage, and propagating children for future humanity. That being true, life without it will leave us unfulfilled before our Creator who made us thus. This is why the blossoming youth are driven inwardly to the opposite sex—to fulfill the mandate to “Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it” (Gen. 1:28). It therefore behooves us while we are young to think on this vital ingredient to happiness and fulfillment, to diligently seek it, to make it a priority, and so fulfill our Divine purpose. It is a mistake to passively wait for it, for like all things in life, they come through our God-given design of WILLFUL PURSUIT. And God designs, yes, but as the Genesis model sharply mandates, WE must fulfill.

IMPORTANT NOTE

Christian eyes reading this will almost certainly miss the distinction between Christian and non-Christian marriages. Today’s Christian minds have watched Hollywood’s film version(s) from childhood, until they wear Hollywood glasses to evaluate all versions of it. Please, readers, take off those glasses, or don’t bother reading this article. This one is the Scriptural version, which is eternally different from Hollywood’s distorted excuse for it. Theirs will not serve genuine marital happiness; this one will in every case, if both marital partners simply obey the basic Scriptural rules.

However, this article deals with only the basic foundation on which a successful marriage must be built. A couple building a life together is extremely complex and as individual as they themselves. But these basics are where they must start to build, or else their structure will finally crumble into ruins. For this reason it is important that the men carefully read these rules for women, and the women read the previous post on rules for men in marriage.

The woman’s created design and order has been carefully detailed in the previous post, BASIC RULES FOR MEN IN MARRIAGE. We will therefore only briefly cover that aspect of marriage in this article.

Christian or not, the first thing the modern woman must deal with in this Scriptural approach to marriage is the imposition of the radical feminist mindset permeating our society. Even elderly women have been subjected to it all their lives. The first order of business in such a female mind is to reject the very notion of being subjected to the male. Much effort is immediately put into motion to worm around the plain truth of Scripture with a more convenient “Theological” interpretation of it, even to the radical extent of saying God is a “she.” But any female determined to dodge the Scriptural order in Genesis will not benefit from this article and should click out of this and go about something else. Pay day for doing that comes in two segments: Missing pieces of personal peace, and divorce. Both are deep wounds short term, ugly scars long term. We won’t even mention the devastating impact on the lives of her children.

The second conclusion jumped to by radical feminists is the foolish notion that scrapping the Genesis model is “liberating.” This is tantamount to dodging a pie in the face only to catch a cannonball. It’s like wriggling out of manacles only to be “free” in a padded cell. One never escapes their own design without Dr. Jeckel’s surgery, unless he is allowed to replace the brain to match the freak. Sadly, though, what started such radicals on their warped course is male stupidity in how he filled his own role. The only cure is in Christ and a return to original design. There simply are no substitutes for what God created humans to be. Liberation is never EVER outside the provisions of the Lord Jesus Christ. But while a woman can be devastated by her husband, she can yet find peace in the Lord in the midst of the pain imposed by his utter foolishness. Meanwhile, it should mean something to women to realize that we never see a radical feminist in a home where she and her husband deeply love the Lord first, each other second, and where the husband obeys his role in Scripture. That is the truly liberated woman. Sadly, all too often women play the fool to start with by being reckless in her choice of a husband.

It has been an amazing show through the last half a century to watch Hollywood promote their brand of love and marriage. The freakish eggs they laid hatched out into a generation of cyclops’s, other freaks, mixed up sexes, and wild-eyed radicals. None of which have a clue of what God’s truth really is. Unfortunately, most Christian households watch this circus anyhow, while Christian ministers are silent in the pulpits, mostly because they are also chuckling at the clowns. All of this without giving a thought to the reality that this is all going somewhere. (Hint: It glows red with intense heat).

A third assumption the so-called “liberated” female makes is the notion of restriction of her own personal life’s dreams and ambitions. This, by the way, is the foundational fiction on which the radicals always build their case. It is a lie. It dodges its own premise by the innate God-imposed law of human responsibility. Dreams and ambitions sit squarely astride that horse. Those coming closest to dodging are bums and bandits. As it turns out, though, they don’t dodge it either. They still have to eat to stay alive. Nobody is going to poke it down their throats; they must find it, get it, chew it, swallow it, and get away with it, unless they get it free behind bars. They’re responsible. Feminists have to exercise responsibility in order to be radicals.

So here’s the picture: They bucked the responsibility of their own natural design to start with in order to be feminists. That alone is a natural dodge of satisfactory fulfillment. Based on that cracked base, then, they launched their own cracked version of personal responsibility. They reached for the stars from atop the little mound of dirt they sweated to scrape up, instead of the Mount Everest God already had waiting for them free of charge! It all comes down to the quality of response(ability) exercised toward her original design as a female.

Ladies, think of it this way: There has never been a case study of a pregnant man. No, those who are pregnant are called WOMEN! Why? Ridiculously simple: She was designed that way, body, soul, spirit, physically, sexually, mentally, and socially. It is an impossibility for her to ever find fulfillment outside that original design. God’s blessings are channeled to her through it. It glances off a radical feminist. Please listen: Where they go wrong in their logic is to miss the Biblical fact that the woman was not designed from the ground up, but from the RIB up—Adam’s rib! Not from a monkey up; not from a tadpole up; their ancestry was not a tyrannosaurus (although she is well equipped to convince her husband of it). No, none of such foolishness! She was originally a piece of Adam’s ribcage. That makes all the difference in who the woman really is.

There is a legitimate responsibility. That one is fulfilling. The other is not. A wife’s first responsibility is to her design to be a “help meet” to her husband. He is the one with the responsibility before God to provide for his family. Have you ever watched a rooster and his hens? He will scratch a spot on the ground for them to forage as he stands and guards. When they have pecked it clean he wanders off to a new location, scratches, clucks, and his hens come running to forage. Meanwhile, those hens carry on with happy hen-chattering among themselves. None of that was their own idea to do it that way, contrary to evolution’s nonsense. No, God designed it that way. Simple as that. And those hens are happy and fulfilled with it. Modern feminists, though, would turn the whole thing on its head, attack the rooster and peck him to death!

But let’s be clear: God has loaded the females with tremendous abilities and talents, not to compete with men, but to serve God in their design. Her first purpose is to be a helper. That is God’s designed will in her. But this is where confusion arrives. You see, God’s truth, righteousness, and holiness are a prior obligation to her God, before her obligation to her husband. If her husband fails in performing his own God-given responsibility before God, he forces his wife into a very difficult situation. Let’s say, for instance, a backslidden husband decides to open a bar and employ half-nude females as an attraction. His wife’s design to be his “help meet” suddenly comes to a screeching halt on that count! But it’s confusing; she is his wife. She must still endeavor to be his “help meet” in other non-offensive areas, such as care of the children. It can become extremely complex. Lines can get blurred.

On the other hand, if she has a good husband who loves God, he will want her to have the joy of exercising her God-given abilities and talents. If she exercises good judgment before God in her first obligation to Him, then a good and loving husband will encourage and help her to pursue her full potential. Any man acting otherwise, is stepping between her and her God and must answer to Him for it. Many men put guilt trips on their wives for not getting out and bringing in extra income so they can live higher on the proverbial hog. If the wife loves to work outside the home, and if it doesn’t interfere with her obligations as the wife, then he should allow it. BUT it is his duty to see that her income is never relied upon to make ends meet, so that she could stop work at any time she pleases. He is designed to be the provider; not the PRIMARY provider, but the ONLY provider. God-given roles are reversed when the man dons the apron of housekeeping while his wife earns the living. It was never Biblical, and never will be.

Now let us consider another basic rule for women in marriage. We will look at this from a man’s point of view. It will come clear as to why. You see, by God-given nature most men when faced with a problem examines it from a position of cold analysis, emotions aside. He reasons primarily from a portion of the brain where reason is dominant, whereas the woman reasons from a portion where emotions are dominant. Now it is true that both sexes use both, and sometimes they are even reversed, but we are talking of which is dominant in most males and females. Most men, then, have a pressing need to logically understand a problem when it arises. Well, in far too many cases a husband’s unhappy wife vents her emotions on him when what he needs most is a careful explanation of exactly why she is unhappy with him. She might explode in his face as to HOW she feels, when he really NEEDS to know WHY she is angry—in detail. See the point? God has charged him with her nurture, care, and happiness, but she is heaping ire and frustration on him, although he hasn’t a clue of what he needs to do to fix it. He has a nature to troubleshoot, but she is too busy just shooting. He sees that like an auto mechanic who has an irate customer who brings him a car to repair but she refuses to tell him anything at all in detail about it. All the hateful customer yells is, “You’re the mechanic, you figure it out; I just want my car fixed!” So he has to start from scratch to even begin to figure out how it’s acting, what the trouble is, and how to fix it. Sadly, that ignorant state of mind belongs to most husbands who never read or listen to anything to find out what got him in trouble with her to start with.

Bottom line? Most men need educating on a regular basis by their wives! Not one husband wants to go out into the community and have to admit that he’s the head of an unhappy home. His very nature wants it said that he is a problem solver, not the problem itself. But a wife who is unhappy and makes little or no effort to understand why it is that she is unhappy is actually the guiltiest before God. Her husband, after all, cannot crawl through her ear and analyze her brain for her. She must do it. Then, once she knows why and arms herself with documented explanations, books, videos, and tapes of experts in the field, to show him why she is unhappy, then the monkey is on his back where it belongs. A husband who won’t listen to her, who refuses to read or view what she brings him, but goes about ruling her and trying to make her like it, must answer to God for it. Women have a unique way of squirting from under a man’s jackboot and way-laying him with a 2X4 to get his attention! If he still doesn’t listen, he will pay for it ten times over in other even more unpleasant ways. If he refuses to make the changes needed to bring happiness to his “help meet,” then it shouldn’t surprise him when she walks out on him.

One final basic: God designed the man to be the spiritual head of his family. The devil has sneaked up on the blind side of this. One particular aspect of God’s design in both sexes must be considered. You see, although God designed males and females for each other, we dare not overlook that He made both for HIMSELF first, BEFORE one another. Their separate standing before their Creator is their FIRST obligation of existence. Think carefully here: Worldly minds think SELF first, mate second, children third, and God last, if at all. But God’s Scriptural order is GOD first, children second, mate third, and SELF last. If no children arrive, it is God first, mate second, self last. The point to be made is that God comes first, not self. This priority opens the vast monolith of responsibility for our subject, the woman in marriage.

You see, a home that honors God is a balance of responsibility, each in their separate roles, pulling the load together. But depravity introduces a problem: In far too many Christian homes the father fails to assume the spiritual headship. Following Scriptural logic, then, since each partner has God as first priority, failure of the husband presents enormous implications for his wife, especially when children are involved. In the first place, the man’s role in the home requires that he have a backbone like a saw log—spiritually and physically. If he fails at that, then his wife is obligated to grow one herself—spiritually, and sometimes even physically. After all, it is in the marriage vows, “For better or for worse.” The man who drops the ball must answer to God for it; if his wife doesn’t do her best to take up the slack for her children and her home, she must also answer for it.

The woman in marriage who honors God above her husband and children may endure hardship if her husband and children fail to do the same, but she should go in the strength of knowing that she pleases God, who will return the honor in infinitely greater measure. Her children and husband will one day “Rise up and call her blessed” (Proverbs 31:28), even if they realize it after she is gone.

IMPORTANT NOTE

Christian eyes reading this will almost certainly miss the distinction between Christian and non-Christian marriages. Today’s Christian minds have watched Hollywood’s film version(s) from childhood, until they wear Hollywood glasses to evaluate all versions of it. Please, readers, take off those glasses, or don’t bother reading this article. This one is the Scriptural version, which is eternally different from Hollywood’s distorted excuse for it. Theirs will not serve genuine marital happiness; this one will in every case, if both marital parteners simply obey the basic Scriptural rules.

However, this article deals with only the basic foundation on which a successful marriage must be built. A couple building a life together is extremely complex and as individual as they themselves. But these basics are where they must start to build, or else their structure will finally crumble into ruins. For this reason it is important that the women carefully read these rules for men, and the men the future article on rules for women.

God designed marriage to be between a man and a woman. Now how shallow does that sound? Well, it isn’t. It has roots in Divine purpose, limbs reaching into Divine potential, and fruit borne into Divine expansion. None of these are open to humanity’s plumbing its depth, topping its height, nor comprehending its infinite expansion. A marriage without God curses its roots, starves its branches, and rots the fruit. A homosexual fake of it does absolutley nothing but spit in God’s face, inheriting a curse.

God created Adam instantly but with forethought. His Omniscience equipped Adam for His very next creative act. Think about it: There stood new Adam, equipped with some yet useless features until His next act. He then used Adam’s body, a rib, to tailor-make him a “help meet”(KJV), perfectly designed in every respect to that end. Here then stood the perfect couple, in perfect harmony with each other and with their Creator. But let us look carefully at the compelling evidence of what God did: He declared the Divine purpose for each of their separate designs. The Genesis account that they both were to be fruitful and have dominion is nevertheless modified by two creative acts: The indelible method in which the female was created, and God’s own personal declaration that she was designed to be Adam’s “help meet” (Genesis 1:26-28; 2:18-24). In plain language, the definition of “help meet” is simply a helper, an assistant, an aide. Today the helper can be a male or female helping a male or female, but to apply that mentality to understand the Genesis account is rediculous. God’s helper was created from Adam’s rib to be equally as human as Adam himself, but created specifically in beauty, sex, mentality, soul, spirit, and purpose to complement Adam’s own design. Like Adam, however, her first allegiance was to her Creator, God Himself, not Adam.

THE SECRET SOURCE OF SUCCESS. What does this mean to marriage? Everything! It doesn’t matter how or why we leave those vital facts behind, the results are always the same. You see, the idea of male and female, how they were created, how they relate to one another, all of that, has nothing at all to do with human laws nor anyone’s religion, be it Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Athiesm, or any other. Almighty God’s fiat of Adam and Eve supercedes all else. It doesn’t rely on whether it is an elaborate church wedding or a couple shacked up together, God’s design of Adam and Eve is still US, ourselves, no matter what. We males and females are literally MADE for each other, like it or not. It is still not good for man to be alone, and females are still designed to be man’s helper. Absolutely nothing will ever change that in this life.

Therefore, the Divine fiat of male and female has to be the basic source of all secrets that make marriage work. Men, note this carefully: Any deviations, and I mean ANY deviations, from God’s perspective, vividly modeled in Adam and Eve, virtually guarantees a degree of marital storms, troubled children, unfaithfulness, separation, and worse. You will be wise to absorb that truth and build on it. From this basis for reasoning, the following basic rules demand to be recognized for marital success to happen. Because all humanity consists of God’s males and females, these basics are universal truths, Christian or not, although what a truly successful marriage has to be emmersed in is found only in Christianity.

1. RESPONSIBILITY. God assigns it to the male. Like it or not, men, the proverbial monkey is on our own backs, not that of the women. Why? Because of the creative order and purpose. Scripture calls the man the woman’s “head” (I Corinthians 11:3; Ephesians 5:23, not that she is brainless, but in a marriage the man is her marital authority. But you’re walking on eggs, men; remember, she is designed to think for herself, thank you. If you are going to be her marital authority, then you’d better make it your business to find out for certain what is right and what is wrong before you crown yourself with the director’s hat. She will know the difference very quick. In fact, many women can think circles around their man, and even have better sense. In that case, the most direct course to solving a problem might be to lean on her for your authorative directions. If instead you just run over her with egotistical pride, take warning; that is a shortcut to marriage breakup. As the “head,” God expects you to be the primary self-sacrificer, just like Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it (Ephesians 5:25).

A very subtle purpose is served in this arrangement. Remember, God created Eve FROM Adam and FOR Adam. Think of what this means. Observe carefully. Imagine the wheel of a bicycle. The hub of it has an axle which allows the wheel to revolve around it. However, unless it has those little ball bearings in the hub, it will wear out very quickly and sieze the wheel from turning. Well, the manufacturer had to DESIGN those bearings with great precision to fit that hub and axle perfectly. Otherwise, the whole bicycle is useless.

Just so, God made Eve with Divine precision to fit Adam, complementing him perfectly in every respect. Think about it: If the bicycle owner violates the factory specs when he replaces the wheel bearings; if he just throws any old bearing in there he can get away with, he is simply going to ruin what he is riding on. If he also fails to honor the design of his wife and jams her into his own notions, he is going to have a very unhappy wife on his hands. Simple as that. Why? Because God built her from the rib up to fit the mold He designed in Adam. Also simple as that. The minute he takes a hammer and pounds her into his own image instead of God’s he will have a marital disaster on his hands. Still simple as that. Men, her Divine design must be considered for marital bliss to happen. It seems, however, that all men start out in stone ignorance of what they did in taking a wife, but the greater ignorance is the ignorance that they are indeed ignorant.

I thought all I had to do was take a billyclub, conk me a woman, and drag her by the hair into my lair. After that I thought all there was left was to make children, keep her barefooted and pregnant, washing dirty dishes and clothes, and generally lording it over her, and she’d be perfectly happy with what I did for her. What happened? The week wasn’t out before she stole my billyclub, slammed me over the head, and generally worked me over. I stayed beaten to a pulp for decades before Mr. Ignorance finally stirred. First thing I did on awakening was to scramble around trying to figure out exactly what it was she was doing wrong. One day old Ignorance tapped me on the shoulder and whispered, “It’s you, buster!” I was stunned. Me? Couldn’t be me. After all, I did exactly what Clark Gable, Errol Flynn, and good old John Wayne would do. As it turned out, the guys who knew the secret had never heard of Hollywood: Peter and Paul.

Basic responsibility and accountablility are vital. Men, think very carefully on the logic of this. It isn’t at all unlike what we all know about corporate organization. Even if the business is governed by a board, yet only one person can be in charge. A fall guy is needed to take responsibility. No matter who is at fault on the corporate ladder below, it’s the person in charge that gets the ultimate blame and must fix it—or suffer a headrolling. Well, that’s how God views marriage. The man was first, the female second. God created man from dirt, then created woman out of what was already created—Adam’s rib.

So there they both stood, each made in God’s image, both endowed with free wills of their own, both responsible to God for their behavior. However, they were now a family with Adam responsible as to how his family conducted life’s business. That’s why when things go wrong on the ladder God taps the man on the shoulder and says crisply, “Adam, you fix this!” Husband Adam must then go about searching for resources (including his wife) to fix it. It had better be a good fix to please God first, then his wife. The worse thing he can do at this point is simply take hands off, turn around, and isolate himself in a corner of his own house as the proverbial walls cave in on him. God will never let him off the hook by simply shrugging and telling God, “Lord, it’s this obstinate woman you gave me” (Genesis 3:12, paraphrased).

If she is indeed at fault for the breach, men, you’d best not hook thumbs under suspenders and throw all the blame on your wife. While you’re gloating over your righteousness, God is telling you to pick up the pieces, forgive, make changes in your own behavior toward her, win back her affections, and make your business of marriage a profitable enterprise again. God will certainly judge you if you fail to make that effort. Remember the rule here: The males and females of humanity are equally and individually responsibile to God for the welfare of their souls, but once they marry, yet another institution is in place with the man as the head of the family. The proverbial buck stops with him, not his wife, so far as the family is concerned.

2. GOD’S FEMALE. Another basic rule falls quite naturally from the man’s basic responsibility. It is in regard to the unique nature God so beautifully designed into the female. Since Eve was designed for Adam, “bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh” (Genesis 2:23), He shaped not only her body for Adam, but formed her a nature to match as well. Just like God gave her a body in need of his attention, he gave her a nature that also needed Adam’s attention. It is actually who a woman is designed to be. “Approval” is the key word describing how she naturally feels toward her chosen mate. She has no control over who she was created to be. She just requires her man’s praise, his desire of her, his affections for her. To her, such treatment is God’s prescribed medicine, to be dispensed by her man. If he draws back from giving it, she grows sicker from it’s lack and resents him for it. She goes about in the home as his “Help meet,” while he goes about taking her for granted, failing to tell her both verbally and otherwise that he appreciates her, loves her, that she pleases him in beauty and in fulfilling her role as a wife and mother. A man who is mute toward his woman in word and in deed, will simply have a woman who is starving for what her man alone is able to give her. Depending on her personality, her reaction will range from bitter sobs to violent temper, from scathing words to cold silence—especially in bed. A man shallow of understanding will conclude that he surely married the wrong woman, while she is convinced that she married the wrong man, all because her husband operated in ignorance of what God expects of him. Such ignorance is marriage’s deadliest enemy because that is the Devil’s playhouse!

A husband who ignores this basic creative priority of his wife’s God-given nature is virtually guaranteed a mountain of marital troubles. Look at it this way, men: Suppose you purchased for yourself a beautiful sports car, for which you sacrificed a lot to own. But then once you have it in your carport, instead of babying it like most men do with such cars, you begin treating it like your old rattle-trap pickup! You ignore it, never wash and wax it, even use it to haul off the garbage. Dents? You could care less. Well, I’m no prophet, but I predict with amazing accuracy that you won’t own that fancy car long simply because you failed to give yourself to it’s beauty and maintenance. Simple as that. And let’s face it, men, you thought it was just what you wanted to begin with or you’d never have bought it. I dare say that all your buddies who saw that beautiful car, and then how you treated it like your old beat-up pickup, probably figured you had a cog loose yourself that needed fixing. Especially if you finally dragged it to the dump and bought another beauty to replace it. They’d say, “Wow! that guy has rocks for brains!” It always amazes me how some guys fall all over themselves for that beauty in the driveway, but seem to care less about that one in the house.

3. WORD AND DEED. Another basic rule topples out of that one: How a man is to implement his basic responsibility toward his wife. Guys, ask your woman. She will tell you without stuttering two simple words in very simple order: WORD and DEED. BOTH! Not just one. Why? Because that amounts to his giving his whole self to prove to her how much she pleases him. If he is all talk and no action, she feels cheated out of his affections. If it’s all action and no words, she feels cheated out of assurance of his sincerity. Either way, she stands there unfulfilled and somewhat suspicious. God’s created nature in her to be approved and accepted by the man she chose to marry stands there in frustration. Trust me, she’s going to let him know about it in some way he’s not going to find very pleasant.

4. THE SPIRITUAL. Finally, men, it behooves all of humanity to recognize that marriage is far more than a physical union. Now, that is one Hollywood missed by a country mile! The simplest of logic tells us that if God had created another catagory of humans besides males and females who were never meant to physically unite for reproduction, then while He was creating them He would have designed them that way. He did no such thing. We call those with mixed equipment freaks of nature whose DNA went awry. No, God did no such thing. He built a man, made a woman out of his rib, and designed them both to physically unite into a family. This obvious fact of nature renders the idea of evolution nothing short of lunatick. Therefore, because God’s own purpose went into Adam and Eve in how He designed them, together with His command to populate the Earth, the Divine spark of it makes us both physical and spiritual in our marriages.

The act, then, of ignoring or dismissing God’s part in marriage is tantamount to having the ceremony in a dynamite factory, using fireworks to celebrate! The spiritual side of Marriage must be recognized and honored, with the husband as its head, exactly as Christ is the Head of His bride, the church, who loved it and gave Himself for it (Ephesians 5:25).

That, gentlemen, is the so-called secret of marital success. You will find it in no other place than in simple obedience to God’s original design.